Um.

Somehow, I can usually find a decent post title, but I always get stuck thinking of one for this blog.

And in my head it's :

Should I name it Thoughts in my head... no, my last one is More thoughts.
Perhaps I should name it Untitled. Damn it, did it. Maybe I don't know? Or look at it, did that too.


-.-

WHY. i really don't know. *sigh.

It's kinda obvious that my posts are all revolving around the same person, but that's because he's the only person that's revolving around my thoughts.

Today, this whole day, We've been going around looking at different houses. I've been listening to my playlist a couple of dozen of times, and replaying the same songs over and over again. Songs that revolve around relationships, about breaking up, about distance, promises, etc.

Why do I do it to myself? I don't know why I'm sharing my embarrassing action. Do you do the same too? Probably not. Which loser replays love songs the whole day? me. And I'll probably do the same for the next couple of days.


I still like him. I think that's gonna always be on each post, yaknow. Just incase you're wondering. Or atleast for the next few posts, that's if the feelings are the same. Which brings me back to why I'm writing this post.

My feelings for him has been quite consistent this year. Like it wasn't like that last year. It started this year. Either consistent, or increasing. Somehow, I can see a bit of who and what I'll be like, if I was to be in a relationship. Like an official one.

I still consider myself as someone who has never been in an official relationship. Because well, I haven't. The time when I do end up being one, is when I know that the relationship is official. Meaning the family knows it, the parents approve the guy, and my best friends too.

Which hasn't yet happened.

Taking my thoughts back to where it always is, What if things end? Between him and me.
We're not dating, but we have a thing. We have a relationship, but yet we're not exactly in one. The feeling is there, but the presence is just absence. So I ask myself to picture how things would end. Things being all this, the feelings, the promises, our friendship and relationship.

I believe there's a fair chance we both can wait, but a higher possibility that our feelings would drift. Even worse, if one was before the other. I've learnt to not trust everyone, not trust everything. I learned it. But like everything else I've learned in the past, like science for an example, goes away.

I don't like how I can't 'guard' my heart, how I keep giving second chances, how I do believe in everything people say, how I trust them. I've been hurt before, badly. The first ones always sucks most, they say. But to me, each one hurts at somewhat the same level. But then again, I've only been hurt twice, what would I know right?

I think alot, people would agree to that. Even I agree so myself. I do think alot, a bit too much. Some may find it a problem if they themselves do, I find it just fine.

If things end between him and I, right now, I can only picture me being hurt. I don't think he would hurt easily now. Although it has always seemed that the time and effort he put into this was more, I still think I would be hurt. I told him to tell me when he's over me, is that stupid? haha. Probably is. But I would rather know the truth, then let my feelings continue. Wouldn't you?