Happy -

Hi!

How have you been? I've been okay lately.

So yea, I still like him. But I've been thinking alot lately, and I think it's better if we stayed purely as best friends. I mean, if he chooses to wait, I will be surprised, and like yaknow, wow. He must like me that much, considering he waited that long. But if he doesn't, well, I guess it's not meant to be. I will still care for him as much as I did and do. Cause he means alot to me, our friendship and relationship does.

The thing is, I know he doesn't quite treasure our friendship as much as I do. He is more onto the relationship side. And ofcourse, I've been on both sides. But I mean, him being a good friend of mine won't hurt. Like I love him as a friend too.

But agh, i don't know. I don't like it how when I try to let go of him, I end up going through this stage of wanting to not let go, or I end up missing him a lot. Like in a way that's selfish. As if I want him all to myself, and I just want him to pay attention to me. And that his whole world revolves around me.

But I can't. I've done enough. He has done so much, in many ways. It's time I start letting go, so he can find his priority in life, for himself. I still pray for him, I ask God to bless him, and that he would do the right things, and always return to God. And I hope he will. I know God has a big plan for him.

He's a really amazing guy. Like he's just full of it. haha i don't know.. :/

And hm, today was suppose to be our (could've been) one year anniversary! I wished him happy (could've been) anniversary. But wow, one year, that's ages for me.

So yea hm. Quite a few people have been asking me whats up with us lately.

I think I've moved on. from wanting to find someone.

I mean after I moved back, I've met several people who asked me out. And no, it's not like I'm 'skuxx' or what not. I think it's just a phase of me being the 'new girl' and yaknow, new things are always new - i guess? But yea, I've been really hm..

Now that I know how it kinda feels like to have the decision to choose between people, I kinda like not being able to date at the moment. I mean the permission to date. No actually, I don't know.

I want my parents to just tell me 'yes Chelsea, you can have the permission to be in a relationship and date.' I mean no, it's not like I've met someone, and it's not like I want to be in an official relationship at the moment. But just the fact that I can have the permission to choose who I want to be with and when, Yaknow?

*sigh. In a way, it's good. Because it makes a wonderful excuse to not go out with people. But ah, i don't know. I think the song Dear no one by Tori Kelly suits me perfectly. I mean when the right time comes, God will show it to me right? But in the mean time, I have so much ahead of me, and so many more things I need to change and prioritize.